What caused me to write as I did is because this country is in such sad shape. I know I was discredited, misunderstood and abused as I was made out to be what I wasn't. I was forever an outcast who had no choice but to watch and silently weep as I saw this country go down the tubes worse every day.
My neighbors are very pro America which is all very nice, but not very good. They promote everything American and condemn everything else, regardless of what it is, even if it could serve their purposes better. If they are any example of most American ways of thinking, then it's a major embarrassment.
I'm an American also, always will be, and no one could be more so than I am. I don't promote or condemn America, though. For example, I am influenced very heavily by music, and a lot of it isn't of American origin, like Pink Floyd and The Moody Blues. Their music has helped better my life considerably, and I wouldn't have made it as far as I did without it. Because they aren't bred and born Americans, those like the neighbors condemn them, no matter how good they are. This attitude is wrong, because if America is based upon freedom, that includes freedom to think and choose what you like and dislike. Just because someone isn't born somewhere, it doesn't mean they're any less worthy of consideration.
I once had a family and friends, then I lost them all and now I don't even have the one I eventually married, Joe [censored] anymore. If Joe had stayed in Montana or at least stayed away from me once he came back to CA, I would still have my olde family and friends. It wasn't a very good one, but it would have been better than nothing, and that's all I have now-nothing. I never had children, as the mother insisted that I have my tubes tied. She didn't want me to have any heirs who would come forth to contest any will she left.
Now I'm even more of an outcast and forced to see everything as an outsider. As such, I stand back and see the overall picture as it's been painted. I see how our government uses and abuses its own people. I know someone high up in the government-manipulated people to kill some of our own people, in order to take control of its own people. They cry out in rage against the terrorist while at the same tyme they're manipulating the people to do and think exactly as the government wants them to. It's scary, and the government is too large to destroy. It's a small sacrifice as opposed to having a civil war like we once had. I know they tried to use someone within the U.S., and that blew over before long, and the government had to use something with more force behind it. They got a small-tyme rebel and made it worth their while to destroy some important buildings, so the government could gain its momentum and force the majority of the people to willingly give up the rest of their rights and become slaves.
What's really bad about America is that it takes care of it's own people last, if then. When foreigners come over, illegal aliens, they get everything served to them on silver platters, while the people born on the land and whose ancestors were here for hundreds of years if not longer, get treated like dirt, put on reservations or worse as they're starved until they die. While its own corrupt people make a better life, the honest ones try to stand up for themselves, only to be forced down again, shunned, spit upon, treated less than dirt, and that's when the country needs a major overhaul. I know that George Washington and most all of the olde forefathers would agree with me, and they would be in the front to lead this country into a rebellion against the oppression of its people of today. Is freedom of thought now also government controlled and you have to ask their permission in order to think for yourself?
Has this country become so horrible, so afraid of their shadows, that there's no freedom any more? Must everyone cower in the corner, afraid of their own Government when they try to stand up and do something right? Will all those innocent people be condemned as criminals for their troubles? I can't believe that Abraham Lincoln or any president responsible for making the Government strong did so with the purpose of making sure the average person would have to be so afraid of their next door neighbor, worry about what they say because the neighbor may be one of their own Government. Is our freedom of speech gone as well? I know that many are hauled off for speaking in public, saying things out of ignorance that is politically incorrect. If this country is so free, why is the average citizen so afraid of it's own Government?
Will I be condemned now as a criminal now because I sent in information about someone who willfully and knowingly kept funds from the Government? I wasn't in league with him, even though I was married to him. I was a victim, kept in fear, used as a slave, treated little better than a dog, kept away from most all of the transactions, and even the secretaries didn't know all of the monetary transactions that went on. Is it to be my reward to be treated less than dirt, made to fear the Government, to regret trying to correct the criminal tendencies of the husband? Will I be imprisoned, kept below poverty and treated like a slave for bringing to the IRS's attention the knowledge of the ex-husband's activities? Is financial freedom, and all freedom, a thing of the past? Don't give me any of that school of hard knocks bit-I've heard it all before. I know it's run without any heart; mayhap it's about tyme that this country has a major overhaul.
Please, prove me wrong. Show me that this country isn't so corrupt, and it's still a country our forefathers would be proud of, and that honest citizen's can and will make it. Show me, and all Americans that freedom still lives, not just in the hearts and minds, but also in the land of America today. I'm afraid it's not possible, and the country our forefathers created, a land supposed to be free of tyranny, is more corrupt than the country they escaped from. Worse is that it's not going to get any better.
I only wish that this country wasn't so afraid of its own shadow. John Denver was right when he said we can't make it here all alone, and maybe it's about time for this country to get a facelift-an overhaul. I can't make it alone either, and there's too few who would have the courage to make a stand, so this country will probably continue to remain so repressed, and eventually become a police state like no other.
It seems that the Government is using another technique, and most people are picking up on it and using it like their favorite candy. The beauty of it is unparalleled. Since the twin towers have been destroyed, the government has been using the 'unity' to get everyone to do their bidding, so the older ones like myself will also join in and not rebel. It's very phony and false like no other. I know exactly what the government is doing and why. It eliminates freedom of thinking, as anything that isn't "homegrown" in the USA is faulty, no matter what it is. Including but not limited to music. I don't buy it, and I never will. The few who see through the ruse, like myself, are too few and powerless to do anything about it except die, and that's just what is happening. I'm glad that I'm one of the older ones; on the younger side, but still older ones. I'm glad that I'll be long dead before I'm so enslaved and confined as the population is fast becoming. You scoff and say it'll never happen; our forefathers said the lack of freedom we have today would never happen as well.
Of all the military bases, Vandenberg A.F.B. is one of the most important, and the local towns are small but of major importance in the experiments of how the government takes over. I've already seen the early signs of the military and the Catholic Church combining forces. Both have a major goal; the enslavement of people. You say that's far fetched, you can't believe that. Has anyone ever wondered where Hitler and his team got the money to do the horrors they did during WWII? Want to take a guess? Why don't you try reading 'Hitler's Pope' by John Cornwell? The Catholic Church is on the move again, and if they aren't stopped, there will be another Spanish Inquisition. The only protection will be as a forced Catholic, in the military and friends with someone higher up. Yes, doubt it and pooh-pooh me. Just remember that it happened in Germany, and how long was it before that war ended; five years or longer? Germany is a small country in comparison. If a war breaks out again, fighting to regain the freedom we once had, a thousand years can pass and we'll be no closer to ending it than when it first started. Everyone else will be tortured if not worse than when the Spanish Inquisition was in power. Please, doubt me, I don't really care anymore, and I don't have anything left to lose-but if you care about your life and your future, the future of your children, take it seriously enough to investigate, please.
I've been told that I was paranoid, and I don't doubt it. I have cause to be. If my worst case scenarios don't come to pass, great and I always hope that's the case. If they do, that's when foreknowledge is best as you can take action against it.
The older people were grumbling and discontent in the last few years. A man was caught years before having blown up a government building. The press used the injured children to get sympathy from the nation, as the government told them to do, and the people lost more of their rights and freedom as the Constitution was destroyed and altered that much more. Then as it died down, the government knew that another form of action needed to take place in order to prevent its possible destruction. This tyme it would involve an outsider-a terrorist.
I wrote a story based upon someone in the government contacting a terrorist and having the twin towers destroyed. In tyme all evidence of the American contact was destroyed, and the sacrifice of the deaths and the destruction of the Twin Towers in New York worked. By the tyme the people knew what had happened, it was too late as the government was too large and no one could unite against the government and slavery took place.
The younger generations are already subject to strict control, as the government insists that everyone wear badges to their schools. I haven't kept up with what other things the government is insisting upon, but it's getting worse. The younger people won't be so young anymore as they enter the adult world. When that tyme comes, the older ones will be all dead or too olde to take any action to help them. As the younger generations of today will never have known true freedom, slavery will become easy for the government to control and only those existing rich and those of high government rank will be above the slave classes. The control over the people will be so tight that no one will be able to escape, and slavery will be a lot worse than it ever was before the forefathers broke away to create this country of freedom, soon destroyed by its own future descendants. Freedom of thought will even be corrupted and any new thoughts will be punished as the government takes those away as well. The now young ones will never know what it is to think for themselves. That is the future of this country. I sure wish I were wrong, and that if I weren't wrong that before it got so bad the right person would be able to take the necessary action to stop it. I'm far too tyred to care anymore.
A very bad side effect of having had aphasia so early is that you not only are rejected by your own kind, all people, but you never develop the selling skills or finesse later in life, no matter how well your speaking ability may become. Even when I had more of a desire to survive, I couldn't have done anything different as far as trying to make myself known. It wouldn't have mattered if I were discredited or not.
I wished I were wrong all those years ago when I was in Texas and I watched as the war and corruption in the government took control of the lives of the Americans. I regret that it came out even worse than I imagined today. At the rate this country is going, we may not have another twenty years of freedom left, and only slavery to look forward to. There's no new land now, nowhere to go to. For every death, three are born and the people who died during the terrorist attack were immediately replaced with new births.
The destruction of the Twin Towers and everything that took place was minimal damage that was easily replaced; the government was able to satisfy the older people with creating minimal damage and preventing another civil war that would be a lot more devastating than the minimal loss of the terrorist attack. The way it worked out, the existing government will remain and continue to grow more as it has been doing.
The story I wrote is in a black book. It's written backwards like the rest along with a few other stories I'd written through the years. I'm not saying such a condition existed and someone in this country had a terrorist take out the Twin Towers and cause the havoc they did. The possibility is there, it's not something the government wouldn't do, and it's very likely it did happen along similar lines. If you knew everything the government does against it's own people you'd be shocked. I know that if anyone suspected that I harbored such suspicions, they'd treat me as if I had the plague, and especially the neighbors who could never believe such an underhanded scheme could take place. Well, that's the way of thinking the government wants from its own people. I'm one of the very few if not the only one who suspects the attack could have originated by an insider of this country as I wrote of it. Just ask yourself why a terrorist would be so stupid as to attack this country; a small tyme terrorist, with a few hundred, maybe a few thousand up against millions? No way. To be successful, you don't do stupid acts if you want to stay alive. It'd have to be worthwhile, and not only would they be paid a lot, but armed with an unlimited supply as well. That eliminates a lot of people, but some insider of this country can do it and most likely has. Seems someone had been found in one of the states, a native, who made fake ID's so some terrorists could get in the country undetected. What else has been discovered? How close do you think they'll get to the real culprit? If it is government controlled, which it most likely would be, then it'll never be revealed as the government takes control as planned. Do you expect the government to admit it if it's guilty? Come now, if you were a criminal, wouldn't you deny your crimes so you'd remain at liberty? No, I can't prove an insider was responsible with making all the arrangements with the terrorists. What if I'm right, though? Do you refuse to harbor the idea that someone just might be working on such a grand scheme in order to enslave the country as the government gets larger, takes away the human rights until we have no more left? The cost of a few 'important ' buildings with a few hundred people is a small price to pay, after all. Then the government can easily dupe its people into cooperating and it's a lot better than another civil war.
I may be the only one to have written such a story, as others remained silent and never spoke or wrote of their fears. I won't speak to anyone of my suspicions because they'd call me a traitor; condemn me even worse than now. It's wrong, as no one should be afraid to think freely in all things good and bad about everything. I've purposely made myself think of all possible angles because to not do so, to let possible alternatives, is to endorse the oncoming of senility, either partially or entirely. Senility has as much terror as death, because senility is a form of death as the body survives and the mind dies, and that is a fate worse than death for me. I'm not saying that this future is going to happen; I am saying it's a very high possibility. To discredit it and to deny the possibility is to pave the way to enslavement. As long as most people are aware of the possibility, they'll be more likely to prevent it from happening as the government tries to take actions and the people can then put a stop to it before it gets out of hand. Just give it some thought, because what if it's true, you refused to acknowledge it, and this country became so bad because of your refusal to accept the possibility as I drew up?
Freedom of speech is practically gone, and to speak out against the government has some dangers as those people are silenced fairly quickly. Myself, I was rendered mentally deficient somehow, in an attempt to keep me quiet. Therefore, don't listen any further than to look into it yourself. Use the existing evidence as history took place and continues to take place. Make your own decisions and evaluations. If all I do is set into motion the realm of doubt enough for you to sit up and decide for yourself, make your own evaluations and come to your own conclusions based upon your findings, then that's all I ask, and no more.
Should this horrible event take place, as I predict, in the U.S. as opposed to Germany, it's going to require a different kind of war to end it-a subtle, biological war that won't have the typical elements of the anger created in wars, hatred, etc., but an act of desperation to save the country and the rest of the world from the corruption of the tortures the Catholic Church will never stop creating.
I wrote of the solution, a possible method, in a book and I hope it never comes to such a desperate act that it'll have to be used. I won't publish or put forth the story, because it would give warning to the enemy, which in this case wouldn't be wise. It's something that was revealed to me in my 1983 experience. I never wrote or alluded to it, because of it's possible falling into the wrong hands.
I have nothing against the people who are blindly following the Catholic beliefs, or rather those who are still overall very nice people who would never dream of creating such pain as the Church they follow so blindly.
Now, I just gave a future scenario based upon past facts and future consequences based upon those facts. One possibility of preventing it from happening is that now since women are such a greater number in the work force of this country, when the government tries to enslave the people of this country, the women may rise up and put their foot down as they slaughter those who insist upon war and enslaving the country, putting it back to an almost third world country where women are severely repressed as before the women's movement too place some years before. That's the good side. The down side is that this country will be thrown back into the Middle Ages as no one will be prepared for it until it's too late, and the violence will take place. That's the future I'm terrified of, and I can't see any other alternative, since the preliminary events have been taking place, and the people of the country are acting exactly as the government wants them to, as opposed to people with the free will to think for themselves, and not as anyone dictates to them.
The reason I don't have much hope of that happening is because women are very jealous of one another and especially on a large scale. I don't believe that they can unite and fight for the common cause of continued freedom because they have such a high jealousy that results in a hatred that will prevent women from uniting and fighting for the freedom this country was founded for. If they do unite, it won't be fore long as the jealousy would take over and destroy the uniting of the women. I sure hope I can be proved wrong in that, also. Again, I base that upon the past dealings I've had with women in many various fields of work. Far too many are jealous of others when there's no cause for it, no competition other than something stupid like 'they're prettier than me' 'they're younger than me' or something just as stupid.
If anyone does unite, they have to be able to put their petty quarrels away, and without emotions they must be willing to fight until the enemy is completely destroyed. Women are too emotional; they'll hesitate because they'll see someone 'too good looking to be so bad' or again something very petty and stupid.
I paint and I write stories and I have an imagination I exercise as much as I can because it's healthy and I need to exercise my imagination in order to write. Is it such a crime to be able to think any more? Is freedom of thought now government controlled and you have to ask their permission in order to think for yourself?
I've tried to get help and everywhere I tried I was denied, forced into a situation I can't get out of. I'm no criminal and I refuse to be enslaved and use criminal means to try to stay alive. It wouldn't do any good, as it'd only delay the inevitable by a few weeks anyway. Congratulations, society; you won again as you forced me into a corner I couldn't get out of, and the force of circumstances guaranteed that I would take the measures I did. The government would most likely have killed me horribly anyway for making my writings known. Whether I'm right or wrong, the suspicion is enough for the too large government to try to shut me up quickly.
At this rate I'll be beyond the control of anyone in this world, and since I'm no longer a youngster, I'm not so sure it's a bad thing. I'm not really olde, but many who would have tried to survive as I have would have died a long tyme before they reached my age. I regret that the corrupt ones like Joe [censored] will get away with his crimes as the innocent ones like myself are forced to die. That's typical of the corrupt government we have now. It's only getting a lot worse and I can't fight it even if I had the desire to try, which I don't as I don't care anymore. My desire to live was ripped away. Thanks a lot Joe and everyone else who has helped make it possible to die by starvation. I'm tired of surviving only and now I'm too olde to care if I see another day. If my cat died, I'd probably die from the shock. She's the only friend I have left, and I can't make it alone.
I never recovered from the desolation that took place back in IL, and when the corrupt cops moved in, I couldn't take any more. I mailed what I could back, and at one tyme a cop was sending a certified letter, and I was carrying a large heavy box to be mailed into the post office at the tyme. Fortunately the policeman was at the counter and hadn't seen the box and me. I quietly put the box of the floor and slid it out of his sight as he walked out, then once I was through the line I mailed it to Lompoc. I managed to mail off a couple, and hand carried one box as I had two other boxes in luggage when I came back on the bus to CA. I was so scared that I'd be discovered that within 48 hours after I was released from custody I left Wheaton, IL, regardless of not having mailed back everything I had ready. Other than the clothes on my back and the ones I used to stuff some of the things I mailed, I had no clothes. The roommate I had refused to send me back the rest of my things unless I sent her at least $900.00, so I never got my things back.
When I was in IL I had a friend, my olde cat Percivella, back in CA and a reason to come back. Now I wait and once Percivella dies I'll have no friend, and like now, no goal and no future to look forward to, no food to keep me alive and no money to get any more; I'm not a criminal and I won't stoop to such desperate means to survive; there's nowhere to go and so I don't do anything except whatever keeps me busy. Congratulations, society you won another victim again as you forced them into a suicide by starvation; the bureaucratic nonsense system of paper pushing refused to do anything more than tell me to go 'fuck myself'. I know I'm just a peon, anyway but it's just one of many examples of how bad society has become, also. I stopped doing more than maintenance cleaning because there's no use in doing any more than that. Why bother, since it won't do any good? Oh please, don't be a goddamn hypocrite; I did everything I could think of to get help and it was denied me. What choice did I have? I was forced into a corner I couldn't get out of. You expect me to still hold out and retain any hope-with what, and how? I love animals, but they can't help me where it counts-financially. I had nothing and no one. I'm not a member of any church or ever could be, I had no family or friends. If for no other reason, it'd be worth your while to investigate my past just to make it an example of what to avoid and how; some major crimes were committed, and a lot of money was stolen that could still be collected if it were made known.